Subject 241

Yes, I have come to realize that tagging patrons would be great. With big plastic tags on their ears. If we only had the means and budget for such programs.

I'd love to get some of those little GPS tracking chips that they put in cell phones and put one in each of the books. Then when Subject 241 is at the desk saying, "But I returned that book already!" we can turn on our retreival system - tracking the book on a palm pilot - and reply, "Do you live in the middle of the block on Main Street between 34th and 35th? Because that's where the book is, Mister!" And then Subject 241 will be all like, "Holy... how did you know where I live? Are you stalking me??" And we'll be all Big-Brother-like, "No, Dr. Petty Larceny! We're just keeping our minds on our books and our books on our minds! Now bring it back, you irresponsible student!" And of course they'd be all chagrined and sheepish and say, "Yes, Ma'am," and dig it out of the potted ficus where, in a fit of sleep-deprived, text-anxious pique they buried it, and bring it back to us, soil and all.

We have the money for all this, right? Ahahahahahaha!