Loopy old woman

Why do I work in a library?

Some one at a party asked me this and I wasn't sure how to answer this question. It was said in a tone that led me to believe this person was trying to be a tad condescending, you know that kinda happens here on the east coast. Like your profession is some sort of social hierarchical categoriztion. So I said something similar to this:

I became a librarian because otherwise I will spend my days watching TV, knitting or doing needlepoint, and gaining huge quantities of weight from the incredible Pepperidge Farm Cookie intake that will inevitably follow along with enough Jerry Springer reruns to turn my mind to mush. God, how telling is that? I would be on my way to becoming an old woman. That is so sad. Thereafter I would need a colorful Kaftan or Muu Muu with some puff-painted kittens peeking through some gaudy appliqued poinsettias, a pair of dirty Isotoner-knock-off slippers and some ratty "nude"-colored trouser socks whose elastic has worn out so they bunch around my ankles. With all that in place, people will be able to envision the varicose veins and I won't have to waste time drawing them in to make the old lady picture complete. I'd be practicing shaking my fist and yelling 'You kids stay off my lawn!!' all the while talking to the cats and thinking of ways to cram more plastic pink flamingos in my front yard.

Pompous jerks deserve a sassy reply. This person is a political aide or something. I shoulda asked for a cup of coffee and report on the level of regulation the federal government has over wetlands.